When to walk away from a sexless marriage? Everyone had asked himself this question somewhere in their relations.
If you believe it or not but up to 15-20% of married couples, consider themselves in a sexless marriage.
And there are hundreds of reasons. A marriage goes through its own highs and lows.
Therefore, a lack of intimacy affects your married life and leaves you frustrated. It makes you emotionally distant.
Let’s explore the signs and causes behind it.
What is sexless marriage?
A sexless marriage is when couples have very little sex, typically less than 10 times a year.
Emotional and physical closeness, like feeling loved, hugged, kissed, and having sex, are key for a strong and intense marriage.
Causes of sexless marriage
There are many causes for a sexless marriage and a sexless marriage does not happen overnight.
Here are some common causes:
1. Busy lifestyle
Well, life can really get busy; there’s school, work, chores, looking after family members, and hundreds of other activities to do.
With all the things going around, it might be easy to forget spending your time with a loved one.
When you really feel tired, it is a bit hard to think about embracing, talking to, or hanging out. You might feel he/she is just performing the activities, not enjoying time with each other.
You feel more like roommates than a couple.
2. Physical health issues
Sometimes, if people are ill, they just do not feel like being near others. They simply want to relax and feel refreshed.
It is difficult to think about being intimate with a partner when one is not feeling well.
Also, as people are going through significant life changes, such as the birth of a baby. Thus, their bodies change.
For example, after having a baby, some women feel too tired, while others feel uncomfortable because of how their body feels.
These changes are normal, but they can make couples feel a little bit apart from each other.
That’s why it’s really important to talk and understand each other, so you can still feel close even when things are different.
3. Emotional distance
When two people in a relationship fight a lot and makes them feel far away from each other.
People do not discuss what hurts them. They carry on with old problems and hold them within themselves. That builds up, and they find a wall in between.
The gap feels bigger if you avoid discussing your feelings more.
To fix this, talk openly and share your feelings.
When you listen to each other and try to understand, you bring them closer together, and everything becomes better.
4. Mismatched libidos
Mismatched libidos means that one person in a relationship wants more closeness than the other. This can cause some problems.
The person who wants more intimacy feels upset because their needs aren’t being met. They think something’s wrong.
When this happens, both people can get their feelings hurt. It is quite important to talk to each other and share how you feel.
If both of them are open and honest, they can better understand each other and find a way to feel close again.
5. Life changes
Big life changes affect how people feel about being close to each other.
For instance, when someone has a baby, it’s a big change.
New parents are busy in taking care of the baby, and they don’t get as much sleep. They feel tired.
All these changes can make it difficult for the couple to hold on to their closeness like they used to.
Both should understand what’s happening and, therefore, should be patient with each other.
Talking and trying to stay connected can help the relationship remain strong.
Signs that it’s time to walk away
1. Emotional and physical disconnect
Emotional disconnection happens in sexless marriage when you are no longer talking about your thoughts, and feelings, with each other anymore.
It seems like they do not have interest in what is happening in your life. This is something that makes you sad and lonely even if they are sitting right beside you.
Similarly, when little things like holding hands, and hugs start disappearing means you are physically disconnected.
But good news is, if you are working on it together, you can feel close again and rebuild that connection.
2. No effort
A relationship is like a team, you both have to work together to make it happy and strong.
If one person stops trying, it feels unfair, like one person is doing all the work.
After a while, this can make you feel really tired and sad.
A good relationship needs both people to try their best, talk to each other, and make each other feel special.
When one person stops putting in effort, it creates a big space between them.
The other person feels lonely like they’re not important anymore similar to what happens in a sexless marriage. This can make them upset and pull them further apart.
A strong and happy relationship needs both people to care and show up for each other every single day.
3. Long term resentment
If your partner hurts your feelings and you do not fix it, then it leaves a mark, like a scratch that never heals.
Over time, those scratches can turn into something much bigger like a heavy feeling of anger.
At some point, the wall gets so huge that you feel very far from your partner, though you are still together.
Everything your partner does remind you of how they hurt you, which will make it tough to be happy around them.
If you feel you cannot forgive them and let go of the past, then this conflicts in marriage can weigh on your heart.
Sometimes, thinking about what’s best for your peace and happiness is the most important thing.
4. Unresolved communication problems
Good communication is a good connection between two persons. If a bridge is damaged, it will be hard to connect with it.
Sometimes people are too terrified to talk of important things out because they do not want to fight.
But when you avoid talking, the problems don’t disappear—they just get bigger.
Over time, this will make it hard to feel happy and close to each other.
The good news is that if they both try to listen, be honest, and talk with care, then problems can be corrected.
5. Adultery
Adultery is cheating on your partner, and it can lead to a sexless marriage.
Trust is the foundation that holds a relationship together. Once it’s broken, then it is pretty hard to repair it.
Sometimes it becomes too painful to heal up after cheating. No matter how much you may try, there cannot be building up of bond again.
In such cases you should let the relationship go. It’s a difficult choice, but in the end, taking care of your happiness and feeling good about yourself matters.
6. Trust erosion
Trust is like the glue that keeps two people close and happy in a relationship. It makes you feel safe and connected to each other.
But when trust starts to break, it feels like everything in the relationship is falling apart.
If someone tells lies, keeps secrets, and breaks promises, it becomes harder to believe in them.
Each time trust is broken, it’s like taking a piece away from the strong bond you had.
Over time, this makes it harder to feel close and happy together.
Rebuilding trust requires patience, honesty, and effort from both partners. But if no one tries to fix it, the relationship can start to feel lonely and broken.
7. Emotional adulteries
Emotional adulteries occur when one person begins to share their feelings, secrets, and personal stories with another person rather than their partner.
Although there is no physical cheating, it can still hurt a lot.
When this occurs, it takes away the intimacy and trust from a relationship.
In a sexless marriage, the person being left out will begin to feel jealous because they do not feel as important anymore.
A relationship should be nurtured with open talk between the partners and time to share feelings with each other.
8. Perpetual sense of rejection
A permanent feeling of rejection in a sexless marriage leaves an impression in a person’s mind that your partner is always ignoring you.
If your partner continues ignoring your feelings, and does not want to spend time with you, then it can hurt much.
In a good relationship, both persons must feel loved and cared for.
You have to remember that everyone deserves to feel special and loved in their relationship
9. Physical and psychological health conditions
Sometimes, a relationship makes your body and mind unwell.
In cases where people fight a lot, it makes them very tired and sometimes even suffer from headaches frequently.
It could also make you feel scared, that you’re always afraid of what might happen next, like feeling sad or worried about the relationship.
That is the reason why caring for yourself becomes so important.
If a relationship makes you feel lousy, the best thing would be to address it and get help. After all, nobody deserves to not feel happy and healthy, either inside or outside.
10. No motivation to improve
When you and your partner stop trying to fix things, it means you’re stuck, and the relationship won’t improve.
A healthy relationship needs both people to care, solve problems, and grow together.
If this is not what happens, then sometimes things will not get any better.
After some time, it becomes heavy and not fun anymore. If both are not willing to improve things, it is very hard to keep the love and connection strong.
And ultimately, you find yourselves in a sexless marriage.
Conclusion
A sexless marriage is when couples have very little sex, typically less than 10 times a year.
The decision to stay or walk away depends on the recognition of signs and causes.
In this article, we discussed common reasons for a sexless marriage, including:
– Busy lifestyle
– Physical health issues
– Emotional distance
– Mismatched libidos
– Life changes
We also covered signs that it may be time to let go:
– Emotional and physical disconnect
– No effort from either partner
– Long-term resentment
– Unresolved communication problems
– Adultery and trust erosion
– Emotional adulteries
– Perpetual sense of rejection
– Health issues due to the relationship
– No motivation to improve
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