You can’t judge someone’s nature based on photos. You need to understand their intelligence and personality through conversation. Here are some important questions to ask before marriage.
When fixing the meeting, remember that both parties are observing each other.
While you’re observing her, she’s observing you too. Be respectable and behave well.
If the meeting is fixed at a coffee shop, one of the main issues is how to start the conversation in a public place.
A good way to break the ice is for the boy to bring chocolate or flowers and say, “I didn’t know your preferences, so I brought what I like.
Observe how the person reacts to this. After that, you can naturally start discussing other topics.
Questions You Need to Ask Before Marriage
You should ask the questions mentioned below before getting married. These questions help you understand your future partner well.
Further to this, it will lead you to understand the right-fit context for you, whether the person is going well up to the long term or not.
So, without further ado, let’s jump into it.
1. Vision and life purpose
Communication about your future goals and vision is important before getting married.
This helps you to understand what each of you wants from life so that you can be geared towards moving in the same direction.
1. What are your goals and vision for the future?
When you discuss goals and vision, you will get an idea of what the person actually wants in his or her life. It also gets to know how you can help your partner grow together.
2. What does a fulfilling life look like to you?
Happiness does not have a clear-cut definition. Some people want to travel around the world, while others may want a house.
Know what your future partner makes happy.
3. How do you see us growing together over the years?
Relationships change. It is nice to ask your partner if he or she considers growth in the same direction.
If your future partner is ready to grow as a team, this means they are truly committed to you.
These questions to ask before marriage will set up a good starting point in understanding each other’s priorities and vision about the future.
2. Lifestyle
Your daily routine impacts your overall life. That is why knowing your partner’s habit is important.
1. What are your daily routines and habits?
Start by sharing with each other how you typically start your day.
Ask your partner: Do you like waking up early? Do you enjoy a workout?
Knowing these details will help you sync your mornings together as well as discuss work schedules.
2. How do you like to spend your free time?
Once you share how you spend your free time, it can open the door to bonding and fun together.
For example, in case you both love travelling, you can travel to these favourite destination places or dream locations.
3. Which one do you think you are: an introvert or an extrovert? How do you balance your social life?
Introverts feel comfort in loneliness; extroverts get energised from others.
Ask your future partner what kind of person they are and how you can both manage social life.
3. Behavior and nature
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person than your behaviour does.
Behavior matters most, and it reflects your values in action, like how you treat other people.
Questions to ask before marriage include:
1.How do you handle conflicts or stressful situations?
Ask your partner how they handle conflicts or work pressure. They release it by sharing their problems with friends, or they release it by travelling.
You will get to know the idea whether the person has a solution-oriented m mindset or not.
2. What are your love languages (how you give and receive love)?
Every person’s love language is different. Identify what your love language and that of your partner are.
There are 5 love languages like quality time, surprise gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of service.
Do your love languages match? No? Never fear.
In fact, if they are different, then make conscious efforts to show your love in the ways that will touch their hearts.
3. What makes you feel valued and appreciated in a relationship?
Ask your partner what makes them feel valued. Is it specific compliments, quality time, or thoughtful gestures?
For instance, if your partner loves compliments and he gets the best employee of the year award, then you could say, I am so proud of you.
Your hard work and dedication truly deserve this recognition. You inspire me every day with your commitment.
4. Childhood trauma
Some experiences left bad impressions on you, and that shapes your whole life. These experiences might be childhood abuse, parent divorce, and many more.
For instance, if your parents get divorced when you were young, this experience will make you question the stability of relationships.
As you grow older, these perceptions influence how you’re likely to approach your own relationships.
Therefore, to avoid such breakdowns in your relationship, here are some questions to ask before marriage.
1. How was your relationship with your parents and family growing up?
The way you are related to your parents in childhood will often script how you will relate to other people as an adult.
Do you feel understood, loved, and supported?
If you ask this question to your partner, and they say no, then that means you have to work more in your relationship.
2. Is there any trauma from your past that has influenced your current self?
Past traumas do not let the parson live in the moment. These experiences change you from inside to outside.
Ask your partner about traumatic experiences they have faced in their life.
3. How do you cope with emotional pain or difficult situations?
Everyone learns how to live with the emotional pain. Some people reflect on the situation, and other people blame it.
This kind of thought process will define how you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person.
5. Health issues
Health plays an important role in relationships. The health of a person affects his day-to-day routine, mood, and general behavior.
Therefore, have an open conversation with your partner if they have any health issues and how they are treating them.
Following are the questions to ask before marriage you can ask your partner without feeling awkward.
1. Do you have any health conditions I should be aware of?
You can gently ask them; do you have any health issues?
If so, please feel free to share, not because I want to pry, but because you mean something to me, and I want to help.
This is one of the very important questions to ask before marriage for transparency.
Have a transparent conversation about other chronic health conditions and mental health problems.
2. How do you prioritize your physical and mental well-being?
Discuss how your partner is taking care of health. Are they going for a walk, gym, or yoga? Do they prioritize their health over work?
What are the changes they have experienced after the workout? Discuss everything.
3. Are there any genetic health issues we might need to think about for the future?
Diseases like sickle cell anemia, Alzheimer, diabetes, and hemophilia are some of the hereditary health issues.
These diseases impact family planning and your future together.
When you have a clear discussion on health, you make informed decisions for your future together.
6. Past relationships
Past relationship experiences like breakups, rejections, cheating, or toxic relationships affect your next relationship.
Sometimes you are afraid of experiencing the same things over and over again.
Do not be afraid to ask these questions before marriage. They are meant to make your relationship stronger.
1. What have you learnt from your previous relationships?
People carry the burden of past relationship experiences, the pain, and the trauma.
Therefore, before you marry someone, ask about their previous relationship experiences and what they have learnt from them.
2. Are there any unresolved issues from your past that could affect us?
People face some mental health issues after relationship breakdowns, such as depression, anxiety, trust issues, and attachments.
If your partner is still stuck in the past, help them to resolve because in the future, after marriage, it will affect both of you.
3. What’s your perspective on trust and loyalty in a relationship?
Any healthy relationship is built with trust and loyalty. Therefore, talking to your partner over these values will help you understand their expectations.
Is he or she afraid of losing trust because of some betrayal in the past? Analyse it.
7. Expectations
Expectation leads to disappointments. Many people have high expectations from their life partner that are unrealistic.
Clarify these expectations by discussing following key questions to ask before marriage.
1. What are your expectations of a partner in marriage?
You really need to know what your life partner envisions in a lifetime relationship.
Do they believe that you will meet their emotional needs, make them financially secure, or share all responsibilities? Discuss everything with them.
2. What are your views on roles and responsibilities within a marriage?
Marriage is teamwork. Make sure you discuss roles and responsibilities with your partner before marriage.
Divide tasks like household chores, finances, or raising children so that you can get time for yourself.
3. How do you handle decision-making in a relationship?
Healthy relationships involve cooperation. Ask your partner how they make decisions, like do they like to decide alone or discuss with you?
Find out which decisions your partner wants to make alone and which one wants to discuss together.
8. Habits
You do not choose your future; you just choose your habits, and your habits choose your future.
Check out the habits your partner is following by considering the essential questions to ask before marriage.
1. Are there any habits you have that I should know about (good or bad)?
Ask your partner about three positive habits and three negative habits that they have acquired in life. This helps you identify which area of your married life needs to work on.
2. Are there any habits you think could affect our relationship?
Some habits, like being a being a workaholic, inconsistent efforts, and poor communication, destroy relationships.
Find out which of those habits your partner thinks would affect your relationship in the long run.
3. Are there habits you’d like to change or improve on?
After discussing any habits that could affect your married life, focus on the solution: how can you both change those habits?
9. Family
Marriage is not just two people coming together; rather, two different families having different lifestyles, traditions, and cultures come together.
You can spend some time just getting to know your partner’s family’s expectations, values, culture, and traditions.
1. How close are you to your family, and what role will they play in our lives?
Many marriages are broken due to the interference of family. That’s why, before you marry, talk to your partner about your family’s role in your life.
2. What are your thoughts on spending holidays and special occasions with family?
When you spend some quality time with your family, you share love and moments of joy.
Make sure you spend at least a week on holiday with family every two months.
Talk to your partner about their schedule and plan accordingly.
3. How do you plan to balance our marriage with family obligations?
You both need to have agreed on how much time and attention you wish to give to the family.
Set boundaries so that you are able to pay attention to your marriage without ignoring the duties of your family.
With honest communication, you both will always figure out how to make things work for you.
10. Thought process and communication
Communication does not only mean talking, but active listening also plays the biggest role.
1. How do you process difficult emotions or decisions?
Everyone has different ways of dealing with tough feelings and decisions.
Some people like to take their time to sort things out on their own, while others like to talk over difficulties.
Here are a few ways to discuss this:
Share your methods: Discuss how each of you handles stress or difficult emotions. Do you take some time to reflect, or do you like talking things out immediately?
Be patient: If one of you needs a little longer to process things, that’s okay. Agree on a time to both revisit your conversation when you feel ready.
Open up: Share with each other that it is safe to express the feelings, although these feelings are hard to say out loud. It helps in building that bond together.
2. How open are you to discussing feelings, fears, and concerns?
Make sure both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings. Find time for talking that is cool without any distractions.
Share your fears, apprehensions, and anxieties first. This may make your partner feel obligated to share as well.
Use “I” statements, for example, “I feel nervous when I am in public space.”
Most importantly, listen to your partner. When your partner speaks, do not interrupt them.
3. How do you approach problems that need solving?
Once you have identified a problem, work together to define what it is. Be clear and specific about what needs to be solved.
After implementing any solution, follow up with each other. Ask how it is going.
These are some questions to ask before marriage for understanding your partner’s thought process.
11. Finances
Finance plays a bigger role in your married life. Savings, spending habits, and financial planning—everything needs to be discussed with your partner before marriage.
1. What’s your approach to saving and spending money?
You also need to know each other’s habits. Maybe you are a saver who loves tucking money for future goals, and the other partner is a spender.
The conversation about how you see money will help you create a balance for both people.
2. How do you feel about joint or separate bank accounts?
Next, talk about what your partner thinks about bank accounts.
Some of the couples like joint accounts for sharing a daily expense, while others keep a personal account, maintaining their financial independence.
You have to find what suits the two of you by understanding each other’s preferences.
3. What are your thoughts on budgeting and financial planning for the future?
You should address what your approach to budgeting would be when you both review your finances together and what your long-term financial goals will be.
Open conversations about finances will help build trust.
12. Career
Career, then it might be a job or a business that your partner prefers. Discuss it with them.
1. What are your career aspirations, and how do you see them fitting into our life together?
Every partner should share their career goals and plans for advancement to avoid any future consequences.
2. Are you open to relocating for career opportunities?
You should discuss the possibility of moving for career opportunities.
Ask your partner whether they are ready to relocate for a job because it can affect your relationship and future plans.
3. How do you plan to balance work and personal life?
How you both will balance work and personal life, discuss with them clearly. Tell them work hours and responsibilities.
13. Compatibility
Don’t look for chemistry in a relationship; find a compatible partner. Compatibility means sharing similar values, goals, and interests.
You can coexist with each other even during the tough times when you are compatible.
1. What values are most important to you in a partner?
Identify what kind of qualities you would want in a relationship and how well those qualities align with your own values.
2. How do you see us supporting each other’s personal growth?
A relationship goes forever when you support each other to pursue goals and dreams while they do the same for you.
Ask your partner how they want you to support them. As a result, you encourage your partner to follow their hobbies.
3. Do you think we complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses?
You are supposed to balance each other.
For example, if you’re overthinking, your partner should be calmer than you. You must discuss how those differences can help in the relationship.
And how you can rely on each other’s strengths when things get tough.
14. Future
Plan your future and talk to your partner before marriage so that your partner will help you work towards your goals.
1. What kind of lifestyle do you want us to build together?
You need to discuss the type of life that you would like to build together.
Share your dreams and aspirations about the type of life you would want for yourselves so that you can work towards those goals as a team.
2. Where do you see us living in the future?
Talk to your partner about where you see yourselves living in the future. Do you have plans to stay in the same place?
These are all great discussions to have because where you live can really influence the lifestyle and happiness you’ll choose.
3. What kind of lifestyle do you want us to build together?
Re-examine the lifestyle that you would like to create together. Align your future visions so that you are both on the right track to a beautiful life.
15. Children
Raising a child is the toughest job for parents.
Have an open conversation with your partner about how many children they want and what they have planned for the future of their children.
1. Do you want to have children? If so, how many and when?
You should discuss how many children you would like together.
Some of you will want many children; others will be fine with one or even no children at all. Therefore, plan for the future together by clarifying your preferences.
2. What values or beliefs do you want to instill in our children?
There is a need to discuss the core values and beliefs you will implant in your child.
For example, values such as empathy, respect, and honesty.
3. After having a child as a wife, do you want me to work?
Many couples would want one to stay at home so they can take care of the children.
On the other hand, other people are always in support of two working and equally trying to balance responsibilities in a career.
Discuss your feelings on this issue because it will influence your family life and financial obligations.
What are the questions you have asked before marriage? Let me know in the comments.
