Gaslighting in relationship: do you know what exactly it is?
Let’s try to answer what gaslighting is in this post. We will explain you how to recognize it.
And most importantly, we will talk about how to deal with it if this happens in your relationship.
Let’s break it down so you can protect your peace.
What is gaslighting in relationship?
Gaslighting in relationship is emotional abuse. One partner tries to manipulate other partners thoughts and feelings.
These people play mind games.
For example, your partner says, “I never said that you’re overthinking too much.” That means they are pointing it out.
They are blaming you; it’s your mistake.
According to the National Family Health Survey in India, about 33.54% of couples face domestic violence, and gaslighting is very common.
Warning signs of gaslighting in a relationship
Warning signs of gaslighting in relationship give you an idea of your partner’s behavior and protect your mental peace.
Here are some signs you can focus on:
1. Prolonged denial of facts
Your partner always denies the facts or reality, like suppose if you say, “You promised me yesterday for shopping.”.
They will say, “When? I never said this to you.” They create self-doubt in yourself.
2. Blaming others
Your partner never takes 100% of responsibility for their actions. They blame you even if it’s not your mistake.
They create such situations where you blame yourself.
For instance, they forget to attend the event. But they blame you for not reminding them before.
3. Continual confusion
Sometimes we all feel confused, and when we are confused, we need someone who can help us.
But here your partner creates more confusion in you instead of resolving it.
For instance, you want to choose a dress for a party, and you are confused about which dress is better. Then you ask your partner for help, and he says, as you wish.
As a result, you feel more confused.
4. Eroding your confidence
Your partner gradually tears down your self-esteem by constantly questioning your decisions, abilities, and worth.
For instance, if you share your achievement, they will downplay it by saying, “That’s not a big deal; anyone could do that.”
Over time you start feeling that you don’t deserve to be together; you are not good and have no capability.
The lack of encouragement and constant negativity can even make you doubt your abilities and depend on their acceptance for validation.
5. Excessive criticism
Your partner only focuses on flaws and mistakes. They do not appreciate your strength.
For instance, you forget to clean your house due to a busy schedule. But instead of appreciating you for completing other work, your partner criticizes you.
He criticizes you like you are so lazy. You cannot do anything in your life neatly.
6. Making you feel isolated from help
Whenever you ask for help from your friends, family, and peers, your partner demotivates you. He/she does not want you to build other connections.
They feel insecure when you get support because it threatens their control over you.
7. Making you question your perceptions
When you are sure about the things, your partner comes to you and tries to change your perception of reality.
He even questions your own judgment and loses trust in your ability to perceive things clearly.
8. Playing dumb
Whatever you say something to your partner, they act like they didn’t hear you. They make you feel like you are not good enough.
They leave you frustrated and confused.
How to deal with gaslighting in relationship?
Dealing with gas lighters is a little tough because they are very sharp-minded. They make you question your worth.
Therefore, run down through these steps to deal with gaslighting in a relationship.
1. Identify the signs of gaslighting.
Firstly, identify the signs of gaslighting in relationship, like they blame you for no valid reason. They let you doubt your reality; they lower your self-esteem and criticize you.
Once you identify that, you will understand how to deal with such a partner.
2. Focus on self-care
Next is focus on self-care. Self-care doesn’t mean you are selfish. You are protecting your mental health.
Every morning wakes up with gratitude. Go to the gym and then have your breakfast on time. Take care of your family members.
Do not let your lover take the lead in your life.
3. Set boundaries
Set healthy boundaries between your gaslighting partner and you so that they know their limitations. They know where to step back.
Due to this space, they will stop torturing you.
Therefore, make sure you tell them where their limitations are. What you like and what’s not. Which behavior is not acceptable?
4. Leave them if their behavior is extremely hurting you.
Have you heard this dialogue from the movie Dear Zindagi, that “Genius is about knowing when to stop”?
When the gaslighting techniques of your partner are causing you great pain. It does not work for you anymore; hence, leave them.
They will constantly hurt you.
5. Take help from a couple’s therapist.
You can take help from a couple’s therapist. They will counsel you if you don’t want to divorce your partner.
They will help you with how you can deal with gaslighting in a relationship. How you can understand each other’s perspective.
Conclusion
Gaslighting in relationship makes your relationship toxic and brutal.
In such situations, you have to identify the signs of gaslighters. Let’s take a look one by one.
- Your partner always denies the facts or reality.
- Your partner never takes 100% of responsibility for their actions. They blame you even if it’s not your mistake.
- Gaslighting partner creates more confusion in you instead of resolving it.
- Your partner gradually tears down your self-esteem by constantly questioning your decisions, abilities, and worth.
- Your partner only focuses on flaws and mistakes. They do not appreciate your strength.
- Whenever you ask for help from your friends, family, and peers, your partner demotivates you.
- When you are sure about the things, your partner comes to you and tries to change your perception of reality.
- Your partner thinks you are dumb.
You can deal with gaslighting in relationship by following these activities: self-care, setting boundaries, and going to a couple’s therapist.
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